I’mma break you off, let me be your motivation. To  stay and give it tonight in 5 years time.

Random J(unk) Mail is a roundup of whatever the fuck. A collection of things that I was too lazy to make individual posts on. Or just small things that I didn’t think warranted a post, but I still wanted to share thoughts on. I’m gonna try to do this weekly. But those of you who have been here for a minute know my ass is lazy.

It’s been a while since I’ve done one of these, because I am lazy. But here we are. Five months into 2024. Six months since my last Random J(unk) Mail. Call me Normani. Because one thing we will not do is put shit out in a timely fashion. Almost everything in this Random J(unk) mail is old, but things I still feel are relevant. Also, I have already typed this shit up, so it’s not going to waste away in a draft. A couple of the topics covered here are also very lengthy, so get comfy.

In news which shook the Internet for a second, Normani announced her debut album. It has a title, a cover art, and everything. Y’all. It even has a release date. Dopamine. 14 June, 2024. Although given how little impact it’s debut single (yes, we’re acting like “Motivation” ain’t got shit to do with this album) “1:59” has made, it wouldn’t surprise me if the date got pushed back. But in Normani’s defence, “1:59” currently has no music video and it’s the music video that makes Normani’s shit hit. I think the music video should have dropped when the song did, but I like the idea of it coming closer to the album and the single having a second wind to help it on the charts. But Normani should be concerned that her album is releasing in a month and there is so little promo and buzz around it.

Normani had shared in 2023 that both of her parents had been battling cancer, which provided a very obvious reason for her slow and staggered approach with her releases. But fans have been consistently vocal that her record label (RCA Records) also isn’t doing right by her. And contrary to what many on the Internet think these days, two things can be true at the same time.

There is no doubt that Normani’s parents going through what they did meant that Normani was in no place to make commitments to releasing music, performing any of it and promoting it. But I’d also wager that RCA Records has been making terrible decisions, with no real plan for rolling out Normani’s debut album. So much of the virality of “Motivation” and “Wild Side” was down to the genuine adoration that there is for Normani and how good those music videos and VMA performances were. But the commercial success wasn’t what they should have been, because RCA weren’t doing what they should have. A lot of artists are really being left to try and make their shit go viral, and record labels have bought into this being a sole metric by which a song performs, which is crazy to me. Because a song has the same chances of going viral as it has to become a top 10 hit. And just because a song goes viral, doesn’t mean it will be a hit. The problem is that record labels only fixate on the song going viral and not doing the work to actually try and make it a chart hit. Songs going viral these days provide a really skewed sense of the success of a song. With how viral “Motivation” went and how that song had the Internet buzzing for WEEKS, it’d be easier to think ‘Oh, I bet it was a hit on the Billboard Hot 100.’ Baby. That song peaked at number 33. And it wasn’t a hit in any other country. The only chart where it entered the top 10 was on the US Dance Club Songs chart.

RCA is absolutely dropping the ball with Normani and it’s no surprise. RCA has been doing many of their acts dirty over the past couple of years. And I’m not sure whether it’s because of incompetence, or the BMG and Sony merger which is causing the problems. We’re in this period of music where record labels truly aren’t doing anything but holding albums hostage until a single goes viral. But they also want to hold singles hostage too, until the 30 second TikTok clip of it goes viral. And then when something does come out, they still want to take most of the money for doing nothing but being a logo on the jewel case of the CD and the vinyl. If they even bother to produce physical copies. But this is a whole other conversation.

But I do also feel that Normani isn’t helping herself. This is purely speculation. But I get the feeling that Normani just likes to sit on stuff and ‘wait until the moment is right’, with the right moment never being right enough for her to release something. She herself had said that she didn’t even want to release “Motiviation”. It was her label who strong-armed its release and I think they made the right call.

I have no idea how well Normani’s album will do and I’m sure RCA Records feel the same way. They have nothing to go on and there has been no promotion for this album whatsoever.

Based on “Motivation” and “Wild Side”, Normani is very much a music video girl. So she should definitely make sure she factors some form of visual element into EVERYTHING she puts out. She is not a Beyoncé. She needs visuals. Normani is gorgeous. So she should be taking every opportunity to get her face out there, for both her music and attracting other opportunities.

Kyary Pamyu Pamyu is with child. As soon as she got married, I knew a bitch would get pregnant soon after.

In true Kyary fashion we got a cool, quirky and slightly disturbing shot with the announcement, which would have made for a cool cover art for a single. I’m actually surprised that we didn’t get a song with the announcement. But I’m sure we’ll get a song about her baby soon. It’s gonna be odd for it to come from Nakata though. Will he actually let a bitch write her own song? Of course not. Stay tuned for “GooGooGaGa” or Nakata telling Kyary she has to sing a Capsule song about her baby. It would actually be pretty funny if she released a song about how her titties are sore from all of the breast feeding, how she can’t get no sleep and people commenting on her weight—things that honestly wouldn’t seem weird coming from Kyary. But it would also help open a conversation about pregnancy and motherhood in Japan, things which don’t seem to be spotlit that much.

Kyary’s pregnancy makes me think about how women in Japanese entertainment tend to handle their pregnancies, which is to hide it. Kyary hitting up events and TV shows to perform with her clearly pregnant-ass self would be such a bold move, and something I think should be normalised in Japan. It’s so ridiculous how little we see of pregnant Japanese women in the media. Once the fax goes out announcing the pregnancy, we don’t see a bitch until that child is at least one years old, and the mother has run themselves into the ground to get their body snatched back to the size it was pre-pregnancy. Or if a woman is still doing promo and making public appearances, then it’s because they’re able to get away with not looking pregnant, i.e, when Shiho of Superfly was performing and doing promo whilst pregnant, but not looking visibly pregnant, because she was just wearing oversized floor length kaftans how she always does. It’s a complete mess. For a country in such a tizzy over falling birth rates, it sure likes to hide pregnant women.

Kyary being the one to shift attitude towards visibly pregnant women in the media—causing a ruckus being out and about, on TV and clearly pregnant, and then releasing frank songs about aspects of motherhood would be such a bold move. And she’d honestly be the best person to do it.

Kyary has performed post her pregnancy announcement. But as per the Superfly woman, because Kyary always wears large oversized shit anyway, she looks no different. And because Kyary has always given nothing for her live performances, there was no difference in energy. Yes bitch. CONSISTENCY.

Congrats to Kyary and her husband who gave nothing as a host on Terrace House.

Eurovision.

Not once in my life have I ever watched it. My main point of reference of Eurovision, is knowing that ABBA won it. But the famed gay-as-hell song competition has been getting more publicity than usual because of a couple of things. One, is outrage that Eurovision would allow Israel to still compete, despite the acts of terror on Palestinians in Gaza. And also, the double standard of allowing Israel to compete in the wake of this, but banning Russia due to their invasion of Ukraine. The other is Olly Alexander completely embarrassing himself in more ways than one.

Upon news that Israel would be participating in Eurovision, Queers for Palestine wrote an open letter to UK Eurovision entrant Olly Alexander asking for him to boycott Eurovision, especially in light of how he had used his platform to advocate for causes prior. To this, Olly Alexander (and other participants in Eurovision) responded via a collective statement:

Olly Alexander was being given a huge platform by participating in Eurovision, so of course he wasn’t going to pull out of it. And I’m sure there were all sorts of contractual obligations that he had fulfil as part of being a Eurovision participant. But now look. Olly Alexander is on the receiving end of bad press which is going to leave a sour taste for some time, and he delivered a terrible performance for which he ranked 18th and received zero points from the public. His career will be absolutely fine in the long run. But the backlash is going to knock him for sure, as it would anybody.

It’s a messy situation. And an instance that sometimes what you think can exist in a bubble, actually cannot.

Eurovision is often seen as a thing unto itself which is free from politics, but I have never viewed it this way. So, when the European Broadcasting Union, who is responsible for organising Eurovision, had said:

We firmly believe that the Eurovision Song Contest is a platform that should always transcend politics, promote togetherness and bring audiences together across the world.’

The way I furrowed my brow and said ‘Huh!?’. Because—TO ME—politics absolutely plays a part in Eurovision, whether the organisers want to admit it or not, and regardless of their intent to keep them out of it. And as far as I’m aware, politics has always had somewhat of an impact on how countries vote, to such a point that you know who will and won’t vote for whom based on real world political allegiances.

Eurovision not banning Israel is unsurprising to me. Olly Alexander not pulling out of Eurovision is unsurprising to me. Selective activism is a real thing. Everybody claims to be an activist until they realise they may lose a bag over it. It’s precisely why so many celebrities just say nothing. And a whole bunch of gays with Palestine flags in their bios, who have been retweeting stories about the genocidal acts being committed by Israel and calling out out Olly Alexander for his poor choices—they probably still had their Eurovision watch parties and tuned in. But gays using being marginalised as a loophole to say they don’t marginalise, all the while not support others who are marginalised is a WHOLE other post.

The lessons here? Capitalism is gonna capitalism. If you’re gonna say something, stand by it. Otherwise, just say nothing and do as you do.

Anna Sawai. TV viewers now know her from the hit FX / Hulu miniseries Shogun. But J-pop fans know her as that girl who used to be in Faky.

Anna has been [does the Ariana DeBose shimmy] doing the thing, with roles in two popular Apple TV shows Pachinko and Monarch. But the breakout success of Shogun has really catapulted her career to a whole new level and has Hollywood press wanting to speak to her. And one of those publications was The Hollywood Reporter, who had Anna as a guest on their podcast, during which Anna shared that when she was a member of Avex’s J-pop girl group FAKY, she was forbidden from being able to audition for roles.

When a “big audition” for an American movie [Suicide Squad] came up and the filmmakers “were looking for a Japanese girl,” Sawai recalls, “I was like, ‘This is my chance!’ And then I go to my manager and he’s like, ‘You can’t audition.’ They basically told me that if I’m gone for over a month, the girls [the other members of FAKY] are not going to have anything to do.” She protested that the group would be helped if she got the role, but the answer was final. “It felt like they were really tying me down,” she opined, “and because of my contract, I couldn’t leave until the time that I actually left [in 2018].”

Anna had also touched on this when she spoke to Numéro.

I had been wanting to act since a fairly young age and my then team had shown support before I got involved in the group. However, it turned out that I wouldn’t have the freedom to even audition on rare occasions that something came around, so I knew I had to quit and start fresh if I wanted to pursue my goals in the film industry.

I was not in the slightest bit surprised. Because one thing which became very clear when it came to FAKY, was that Avex did not want them to get a single bag. Not one.

Some would say she dodged a bullet not being able to audition for Suicide Squad, given how terrible a reception that film received. But it was probably Karen Fukuhara’s stint in Suicide Squad which landed her The Boys. It doesn’t matter now though. Because shit worked out well for both and now there are two fly Japanese women in Hollywood booking roles.

But back to the Avex of it all. Them not wanting Anna to even try for the role is crazy, given the benefits to them and FAKY if she managed to book it. Anna being in a worldwide theatrical Warner Bros. release would have been obvious exposure for the group, and also allowed Avex to get a FAKY song on the film soundtrack. And it would also allow Avex to promote themselves as a talent agency who gets their talent roles in blockbuster American films. So they fumbled their own bag too. But that’s Avex for you. They have not known what the hell to do ever since Ayumi Hamasaki’s sales stopped being able to cover the rent. And shit only got worse once Namie peaced out.

The reason behind Avex’s decision being that the duration of time that Anna would have to spend auditioning and potentially filming for the role would result in the group not being able to do anything is the dumbest of reasons. Because, bitch. Plan. Schedule. You schedule shit so that Anna can do her thing, whilst the group can also do something. Maybe have them work on an album during that time and book Anna studio sessions in the U.S. so she can lay her vocals down. Or fly FAKY to the U.S., so they can work on the album together with some writers and producers over there. Or you have all of the other members book gigs during that time in different things. Have one member do a radio show. Have another go star in J-drama, which FAKY provides a song for. Have a member release solo material. The more I walk through these scenarios, the more I do not understand Avex’s rationale. Because there were countless ways they could have worked around Anna and made it work. And if Anna had booked the gig, it would have been advantageous to EVERYBODY.

This all really goes to show that Avex had no clue what to do with FAKY. They did not have the interests of the members at heart and had no real plan for them. Because how on Earth do you have a group debut in 2013 and not release their first album until 2022, just for them to ‘go on hiatus’ a year later? Mess. And now Anna is more popular than FAKY ever were. Avex lost a good one, because Anna was a standout member in the group. She made the right choice by leaving when she did though. And I wonder if this whole ‘You can’t do any shit outside of group activities’ is what made Tina and Diane leave too.

Beyoncé has been posting A LOT of her time in Japan. But it’s difficult to know the timeline of things. We know she was in Japan in March for the in-store event at Tower Records. So all of the stuff she’s posting of herself in Japan from mid April could have been from March. Or she coulda gone back there. Irregardless, Beyoncé has been living her best life in Japan, doing everything but give her Japanese Hive a performance and TV show appearances. Beyoncé has been riding bullet trains and buses. She is letting everybody know that America and Europe are ghetto. Because ain’t no way Beyoncé hopping on a Eurostar or riding a bus in America.

Beyoncé is letting us know that she is back outside, but I didn’t know she was THAT outside. It’s been fun to see her be so active, and out and about in a way she could never be in America or Europe. But it really is a shame we didn’t get any actual Cowboy Carter specific promo from her when she was in Japan, aside from the Tower Records event and her posing on some Dekotora trucks. And it will always be a bit of a slap in the face that Beyoncé didn’t take her disco horse tour to Japan, because she very much still has fans over there. And with the way celebs be going out and doing things in Japan, trust that the A, B, C all the way to Z-list turnout would have been HIGH. Koda Kumi absolutely woulda been at that bitch. I’m surprised she didn’t see the show in the U.S. Then again, that ticket availability and pricing was an absolute shambles, even for the likes of a wealthy pop diva like her.

Random side note. I was in Japan when Sasha Fierce released and I ended up buying it there. Which was my first realisation that Japan editions of albums are the suprieor editions.

Japanese R&B singer and pioneer (yes, I said it) Crystal Kay, went a bit viral back in March for appearing in a TikTok from content creator Takashii from Japan, whose whole thing is walking around the streets of Tokyo and interviewing people—asking them about facets of their experiences in Japan.

I’m not sure how viral she went on Japanese Twitter, but she definitely went viral amongst her non Japanese fans, who are honestly showing far more interest in her than Japan. Something she MUST be aware of now in light of her selling out two last minute gigs in the U.S. But that’s a whole other post.

2024 is the year of Crystal Kay’s 25th anniversary in the music game. And here she is on the street, acting like she is a regular ass citizen. Crystal and Takashii have ‘collabed’ (Crystal’s music career is now a side hustle to her main job which is apparently ‘content creator’) where she walked around Shibuya with Takashii and asked people questions about what they’re listening to. And it was disheartening, but understandable that SO few of the people recognised Crystal Kay. It’s great that she is able to just walk around like a regular-degular person. But at the same time, more people need to know who a bitch is. And this has been a continued theme on this blog for as a long as I can remember.

Being humble is a great quality to have. A necessary one. But I’m gonna need Crystal to start talking her shit and living in the truth that she was a VITAL part of not just Japanese R&B, but Japanese music. And I’mma need her to surround herself with a team who see her for that and line her up with the opportunities she deserves. Crystal Kay put out a single back in January to celebrate the 25th year of her career anniversary. She even got an M-Flo reconnect with Taku Takahashi on production. And there was no music video. No televised performances. No J-drama theme / insert song set up. No product tie-in. No tour announcement. Zero promo. Just news breaking three months later that she’s gonna be playing some destitute lesbian over the Summer in some musical about AIDS and being broke.

Girl. Fire the whole management and marketing team.

If Crystal doesn’t do something soon, she’ll be doing more on the streets than just being interviewed. She gon’ be living on the streets.

Taylor Swift has a new album out. I have listened to it. I will review it at some point. A point by which Reputation (Taylor’s Version) will probably already be out. And the image above is not a complete indication of how I feel about that paper and sepia filter album. But more how Taylor Swift’s albums now tend to shape the music business, and not for the better. Everything is just rubbish now.

I might be being a tad hyperbolic. But I had to tie this shit back to the image somehow.

Taylor Swift has broken all sorts of records with her latest album The Tortured Poets Department, which is great for her. Taylor Swift dominates the streaming market. She is in her own lane with it and nobody is coming close to touching her. But what we’re seeing happen is streaming records being conflated with physical sales records. And Taylor is setting this unscalable precedent that everybody is praising, whilst not seeing the issues.

Taylor has now been placed in the pantheon of artists who have had the most top 10 hits in the Billboard Hot 100 from one album. The Tortured Poets Department having 10 songs, Midnights having 10 songs and 1989 (Taylor’s Version) having 6 songs. This is alongside Janet Jackson’s Janet. album which had 6 songs and Rhythm Nation 1914 which had 7 songs. The problem here is that Taylor’s achievements are not the same as Janet Jackson’s achievements, but they’re being treated by publications as such. Publications that should know better.

Billboard Hot 100 eligibility is different now. And the way in which music is able to chart now is also different to what it took for a song to chart in the 90s. The songs from Taylor’s albums which are littering the charts right now are near-enough all album cuts, all of which are charting because of the astronomical amount of streams they’re getting. In the case of Janet Jackson, her songs charted on the Billboard Hot 100 because people were buying physical copies of her singles. The very clear distinctions being physical copies of singles…which people were going out and buying. The circumstances and conditions behind how Taylor Swift and Janet Jakcosn both had multiple songs occupy the Hot 100 are completely different, and therefore should not be equated to one another.

This conflation of sales and streams is a big problem with not just Taylor Swift’s music, but other artists of the streaming generation such as Drake—who is being reported as having broken records by The Beatles and Mariah Carey, once again without the distinction being made that The Beatles and Michael Jackson did this with physical sales and with songs on which they were the primary artist and not a feature. When Mariah Carey broke The Beatles’ record for the most week spent at number 1 on the Billboard Hot 100 single schart, she actually broke it by the same set of metrics.

Taylor Swift and Drake’s records are casually being reported as breaking established records, when they actually haven’t when you factor in the differences in how music is consumed and eligibility. Have Taylor Swift and Drake’s records be new records in an age of streaming. Not one which is conflated with an age of physical sales. There’s a lot more mess that Taylor’s album releases are causing in the world of music journalism too, but that’s a whole other post.

And to be fair to a bitch, Taylor Swift herself isn’t the problem. The establishments bending to her immense popularity is the problem, because they feel changing rules could put them out of favour with her and worst, her fanbase. The power that the fanbases seem to be given these days by those other than the people they’re fans of is insane. And publications and popular social media accounts pacifying fanbases and using them to grow their own platforms, while not being truthful about how they actually feel about certain releases is a huge problem. And I’ve seen it happen specifically with K-pop. But that’s also a WHOLE other post.

Putting new charting rules in place would not hurt Taylor in the slightest. It would help everybody. And it would actually force her team to think about singles strategies, which would also help everybody. Because the shift away from singles is part of what has resulted in this mess and the Hot 100 just being a dump for whatever songs are being streamed the most. Norris Johnson wrote an amazing piece about all of the above and deep dives into the Billboard charting rules. She summarises my own feelings better than I could put them. A highly recommended read.

Two queens stand before me.

Victoria Monét is now a Grammy winner, walking away with three golden gramophones, two of which were for her debut studio album, Jaguar II. Much deserved. And Kylie Minogue won her second Grammy for her mega viral hit “Padam Padam”, being the inaugural recipient of the award for Best Pop Dance Recording. Also, much deserved.

Victoria has had me locked in since the punani trilogy (“Ass Like That”, “Moment” and “Dive”). And I have been a Kylie fan my entire life. There was no ‘coming out’ for me. Not with the way I was running up them Kylie, Mariah and Janet CDs as a kid. Wrist been limp.

One day I might do a post on the career of Kylie Minogue, because it’s been pretty remarkable. And—here’s a random observation—her career bears many parallels to that of Namie Amuro. Kylie and J-pop is a post I have been flirting with for a VERY long time, but my lazy ass won’t even start it.

HENNYWAY.

Ever since the release of “Padam Padam”, Kylie’s career has been kicked into a new gear. She’s finally gotten a foothold in America, won a second Grammy 20 years after her first, and is being celebrated. And as somebody who’s been a Kylie fan since forever, it’s amazing to see. And also, as somebody getting older themselves, it’s a reminder that life can never stop surprising you in cool ways, and that you’re never too old to break new ground. So it’s also really inspiring to see Kylie experience this period in her career that nobody—not even herself—saw coming, but many fans have felt she’s long deserved. Who would have thought that 20 years after the release of “Can’t Get You Out of My Head” that Kylie would release another song which sticks in the exact same way for a whole new generation, in addition to those who STILL remember “Can’t Get You Out of My Head”!?

Kylie girl. I know you’re talking about being inspired and the possibility of new music. But Tension still has singles in it boo. Cue up “One More Time” and “Things We Do for Love” and use your new North American connections to get somebody other than Sophie Muller to direct the music videos. Hannah Lux Davis would be a great choice.

Victoria Monét’s success story is also one which shows that you’re never too old or late in your career to get you biggest break. Victoria also didn’t make it big until her 30s, which is basically elderly and decrepit in pop years. She managed to beat the songwriters curse that likes of Keri Hilson had been afflicted with, ever since she last held up that People’s magazine issue which had Beyoncé on the cover. It seemed at one point that Victoria would forever be known as the songwriter for Ariana Grande and she’s absolutely defied that now, and it’s great to see.

Chase your dreams y’all. Don’t give up.

Jenny keeps claiming she’s from the block, but the block won’t claim her—in another blow to what has been a very horrid rollout for Jennifer Lopez. This Is Me…Now, the album. Flopped. The Amazon Basics movie? Flopped. The documentary? Had everybody laughing at a bitch.

The really unfortunate thing with Jennifer Lopez right now is that her album isn’t bad. It’s not great. But she’s put out far worse albums which did far better commercially. And she coulda had a solid five single run and a song of the Summer so easy. But nobody seems to care for Jennifer’s music any more. Jennifer Lopez is an unfortunate casualty of the shift to Internet culture. She has not been able to navigate it well. Her public persona is regularly being torn to shreds online. Every other week there’s a story about some terrible shit Jennifer allegedly did. Pushing Black dancers to the back during an ill conceived Motown medley. Sending dancers home from an audition because they’re Virgo’s. Reducing big ass tips that Batman gave. Making the staff at a cinema clean up a back alley and then vacate the area, so she doesn’t have to enter the front. And Jennifer had always been dragged for the hooks of a couple of her songs being sung by Ashanti (and Christina Milian) who was so audible on the songs, that a bitch shoulda had a featuring credit. And this rollout of This Is Me…Now is showing how out of touch Jennifer seems to be from the reality of how she is actually viewed, versus how she sees herself. I admire Jennifer’s tenacity and belief in herself. Truly. But this disconnect she has from reality is hurting her right now, resulting in a fallout which could have been avoided had she been more self aware.

She sabotaged her own comeback. Because I truly feel if Jennifer Lopez had just put out this album, promoted it, perhaps alongside a film. And not tried to shove ‘I’m from the Bronx’ and ‘I’m back with Batman’ in everybody’s face with an ill conceived Amazon Basics companion piece, people would have dug it. But Jennifer chose to smother her music release in a set of narratives that nobody is interested in, which also make no sense, whilst also trying to make out she is some music and dance prodigy who deserves her [turns and looks into the camera] flowers—perpetuating the narratives the public have of her. And she didn’t do it in a way that compelled people to check out her music, even out of spite. It just put people off of her. And now she’s just being dragged and meme’d to hell, which happens on such a consistently regular basis, that it’s part of her legacy now. When she dies, people will make memes of Mariah doing her eulogy and saying ‘I didn’t know her, but-’.

I hope for Jennifer and her fans’ sakes that she didn’t burn a bridge with Amazon Basics, because Jennifer Lopez as a movie star is where she shines. So she should just release films and save the hour long pieces consisting of music videos to Beyoncé—who appears to have given up on this shit anyway.

Billboard don’t know what they’re doing. And that thing you have always wanted to do and become? You’re not too old to do it and become it. Unless that thing is a gymnast. Be like J.Lo and just do it anyway.

Have a non-miserable day.
?J